theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
