There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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