If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
