we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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