I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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