We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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