I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
