yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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