It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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