And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
