remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The air taste purple.
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