I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
