Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
