If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize