He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
