it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
