sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
