She went from zero to smokin in five shots
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
