My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
