i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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