Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
