Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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