My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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