how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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