Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
