I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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