You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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