I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
