The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
