he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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