I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
