my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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