let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
