I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
