You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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