I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
