Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was like eating out sand paper
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize