maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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