When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
