he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
