girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
