are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
