i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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