Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize