Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
