Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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