the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
