My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
