The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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