Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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