omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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