VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
