I wish I could teleport
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
