I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize