So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
