I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
smell my finger.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
