I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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