I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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