So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
