Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
