look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize