Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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