so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
