I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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