saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
