Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
