1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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