watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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