What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize