i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
