She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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