I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
