yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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