Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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