Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
