dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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