Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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