She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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