Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
