I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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