I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
