Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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