so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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