I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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