i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
