I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
