heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
