Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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