he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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