I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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