One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
