2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize