1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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