im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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