My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
