can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
