There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
