Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
